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Not the Marrying Kind

by Michelle Billingsley

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1.
Portia 02:24
Portia’s not the marrying kind, she doesn’t drink cheap wine She rolls, boys. She rolls Her breath, her ribs, her unformed vowels, conspire to reveal a parade of flaws Roll, boys. She rolls Oh lie the lie Oh by the by First one out in any rain, but the last to heal Or remember your name Roll, boys. She rolls She’ll want your love, just not right now Still she’ll wash your knees, you’ll lay your shovels down Roll, boys. She rolls Oh lie the lie Oh by the by Portia’s not the marrying kind, she doesn’t drink cheap wine She rolls, boys. She rolls
2.
The way she said “Chicago” made it sound like a swear Your ears got hot across the bar, finally God was fair This one was the one to help you burn away your past Now she’s purring like a kitten, but there’s silence in your pants When will you learn? When will you learn? She was younger than your sisters, younger than alright You thought life had missed her, it took her dead between the eyes Now all the words you’ve heard cannot fix what’s been hurt So why’re you stuck up on this cross? My how the tables have turned. When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn? She talked you into a wedding next Friday at 5 Notify your next of kin, find some flowers to spoil that child You’ve prayed every night and day for your next big break, So why’re you standing on the highway with your thumb pointed that way? When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn? You’re a plywood dresser drifter, an unreliable cheat Your secrets all are worthless, so how you’re going to eat You’re a flooded basement laundromat with a broken quarter machine You say, “guys like you”, but you mean guys like me When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn? When will you learn?
3.
Mom Jeans 02:11
Sometimes the apple falls far from the tree, but boy, this one hasn’t Inherited her eyes, her smile, her nose, her boobs, and her bad habits From the time i could talk picked up all I was taught And Momma, I took that to heart. How to let someone treat you How to let someone beat you down How to make your own scars I got a short fuse Rotten luck Another man who cannot love me And yet I keep staying ‘Cause I can’t come unless my heart’s breaking Daddy always said I was his little girl, but he said that with the same mouth That he used for making deals, that he used for kissing fillies who were not mom or myself There’s a long line of women behind me waiting Hoping this one had the sense to break free I’d give anything to trade this family’s tradition for one with a better pedigree I got a short fuse Rotten luck Another man who cannot love me And yet I keep staying ‘Cause I can’t come unless my heart’s breaking I got a short fuse Rotten luck Another man incapable of love And yet I keep staying ‘Cause I can’t come unless my heart’s breaking
4.
I wonder what you look like in the sunshine I only know you with shadows ‘cross your face The moon and me explore our victories In the thin hours that you stay Nothing past your lips looked like a promise I could not tease an answer from those shoulder blades Sure I’ll take what is offered But I’m not one to need the whole day I’ll be your once in a while, babe Just for so long, babe Gone by the morning’s first light, you’ve got to be getting on One side of an album, babe No time for breakfast, babe I’ll be your once in a while I’m pretty bad at explaining this to others Like describing highways they’ve never seen Still you think that I’d be better With all those words you leave behind like weeds I’ll be your once in a while, babe Just for so long, babe Gone by the morning’s first light, you’ve got to be getting on One side of an album, babe No time for breakfast, babe I’ll be your once in a while I’m back to washing just one cup and plate A bottle of wine now lasts me for days Back to the middle of the bed Sleeping in late again Listening for your key I’ll be your once in a while, babe Just for so long, babe Gone by the morning’s first light, you’ve got to be getting on One side of an album, babe No time for breakfast, babe Even so, I’ll be fine Even so, I’ll be around I’ll be your once in a while
5.
Dearly departed, saints or whoever, We’re gathered together to decide who’s better off Cast your ballots on folded paper With letters written in honest prayer On my left’s a loaded weapon but a good man His only gun hidden inside of his head Road on his boots, dust from strange sands Evidence of Delta lands in salt on his collar On my right’s a woman look a lot like me No quarter given, no change received But I, I mean, she’s as sweet as can be Your honor, her honor is squeaky clean When she loves, she loves like the back of a hand I’m asking you now, I petition you here Send him away for a thousand years Send him away for a thousand years I’m asking you now, I petition you here Send him away for a thousand years Send him away for a thousand years Now, was permission granted, or permission kept? Whose lips last left that cigarette? This cracked engine block of a man, dried horse sweat on his bare hands And the wild eyes of a setting sun? I’m asking you now, my sisters, my peers Send him away for a thousand years Send him away for a thousand years I’m asking you now, my sisters, my peers Send him away for a thousand years Not for the crimes you could plainly see But the ones he dared to keep from me
6.
Gaslighting 02:06
I did nothing wrong love, I did nothing wrong Sure, I let him have a peck, at the nape of the neck But that was only polite after he bought me all that wine And you know his hair must have tickled my nose So it might have looked a little suspect, I suppose, but I did nothing wrong I did nothing wrong love, I did nothing wrong Well, see what you thought was his hand down my dress Was innocent I swear, hey listen to this, His watch got caught in the loop of my belt So you see, honey, I was just trying to help. But I did nothing wrong Don’t you think you’re going a bit crazy? So you really don’t trust me? I’d trust you out every night alone in a room full of girls with none of their clothes But I did nothing wrong But I did nothing wrong I did nothing wrong love, I did nothing wrong See, we were locked in his car because he dropped his keys Somehow they fell way down under the back seat And wouldn’t you know it, I smeared my lipstick When my hair got caught in the seatbelt and messed it And the windows were steamy ‘cause he didn’t have AC I was only worried about you home alone without me Cross my heart, hope to die May God strike me down if any of this was a lie… But I did nothing wrong But I did nothing wrong
7.
Neighbors heard mama yell when dad took off the belt, “The good Lord will walk with me through the valley” “Ah now, look what you’ve done, now you get another one” Momma got two for begging heaven For all my promises of running away and easier days Shouldn’t I have ended somewhere better than this? Old habits die hard, dreams die young And nothing changes but my face So I drink ‘til I’m pretty far down ‘Til the stars in the sky ain’t nothing to the feel of my thighs Against that saddle on the bottle Every day of 20-whatever feels like it’s pointing me backwards Shoving me back in the box of where I came I can’t breathe and I can’t float Got nothing that tastes of hope And I can fault a tree just for its shade There’s other towns, and cheap hair dyes First impressions before they’re wise to the dark pit you pray would disappear Ah but wishing is what wishing does, this shit is what it always was And the dollar store always needs cashiers
8.
She's Gone 02:49
Momma warned you she’s a wild animal Always talking about doors and windows Testing out foundations for cracks that let the light in Tie her down with words and with friends Have you gotten any sleep since Offer up your belly, teach her mercy Feed her compliments Keep her warm and content She can’t run if she’s full Still can’t sleep, can you You can grease the devil’s palm Doesn’t matter, she’s gone She’s gone, gone, gone Gone, gone, gone Or lay your soldiers in a line from here to St. Paul She’s a wily one, she’ll swallow them all Will they throw their guns on the ground The first time they hear her howl You can grease the devil’s palm Doesn’t matter, she’s gone She’s gone, gone, gone Gone, gone, gone If you know her secret she’ll heel without a leash Now you know; she knows the price of running free Would you count that as a win Hearing your caged bird sing You can grease the devil’s palm Doesn’t matter, she’s gone She’s gone, gone, gone Gone, gone, gone
9.
Mary Jane came through the door Fully formed and heading towards some delicious mistake As it passed, the hours planned, time walked in sand We watched, we could not look away She led us here, she felt it move She said do not hide, I like to look We held her knees, she held us back An afternoon in triplet November lies, it’s always been that mean She’s falling apart She’s falling apart Feels like something beautiful just left the room Who are we to fix this mess, first year butchers? No, we’re cunning surgeons This pile of pieces of a person so carefully laid out It shouldn’t be that hard She’s falling apart She’s falling apart It’s over now, we’ll say we tried She looks fine, but the light has lost her eyes We’ll say it’s fixed, she’ll play along We’ll never again speak of this song When she goes we’ll look the other way
10.
I cleaned the house, fixed dinner, put on your favorite perfume I put on that dress you talked me into for our honeymoon Fell asleep in your easy chair Midnight came, still you’re not there And then I remember Then I remember Middle of the night, I had a bad dream, I dreamt that you were gone I sat right up and laughed at myself for such a silly thought Turned on the lamp, turned over to say But your half the bed is still made And then I I remember Then I remember I remember you’re not here and it hits me all at once But my mouth still knows your taste And my skin your touch Then I open my eyes, to this table set for one And then I I remember Then I I see your face, you wink at me out of the corner of my eye Your picture falls off the shelf when no one's nearby Dialed your number today, saw something you would have loved And then I I remember Then I remember Then I remember

credits

released June 12, 2020

Guitar & vocals: Michelle Billingsley
Additional vocals: Amanda Healan, Samantha K. Mills, Wild Earp
Banjo, fiddle, acoustic guitar: Matt Brown
Electric guitar & Pedal Steel: Brian Wilkie
Drums: Brian Deck
Upright bass and electric bass: Ethan Jodziewicz
Upright bass: Aaron Smith
Pedal steel & lead guitar: Brian Wilkie
Bass clarinet: Jason Stein


Engineered and mixed by Brian Deck
Recorded at Narwhal Studios, Chicago, IL
Additional recording by Ethan Jodziewicz
Mastered by JJ Golden, Golden Mastering
Produced by Matt Brown
Album art: Shayne Taylor
Photo: Lyndon French

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Michelle Billingsley Chicago, Illinois

"Biting & enigmatic. …the knock ‘em dead bravado of Nancy Sinatra and the blunt storytelling knack of Neko Case." -Glide Magazine

“Charming ... candid." - American Songwriter

“Biting wit...all in a tongue-in-cheek gently honky-tonkin’ spirit." -Americana UK

Michelle will remind you of an Emmylou who went through the looking glass.
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